...umm buh bye....

i just broke up with my boyfriend....

see...i liked him....maybe even loved him...

but i loved my ex more....

this is a hot messs......

its just too much for me now.....

i shoulda never started talkin to him.....

n i knew i wasnt done wit da last.....

i feel disgusted wit myself for bein so childish...

so inconsiderate...so mean...UGH

NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT

it was a bad relationship anyways....

lik...we argued ALL the time...

he was so contolling....

lik we ccan only go where he wants....

n he always had a messed up reason as to why....

not ta mention a gang banger....

but now he say he done joined a church....

welll i guess...n its not my place ta judge....

all im sayin is that i cant deal wit dis ish anymore....

n even though we break up n make up...

IM NEVER GOING BACK!!!!

♥ Kim Kardashian ♥

i really like Kim Kardashian....

or how ever you spell it....

i always watch the kardashian shows...
i absolutely love her hair!!!

GNR but she's cool...

speaking about hair...

is there a way for me to grow hair...

with a hair loss treatment?????

hmmm just a thought LOL...

okkkk
cant blame me fa askin!! ♥

Welcome back!!

its been along time since ive blogged...

ive been very busy...well not really ...

i just havent been bored enough to blog....

J/P

but seriously..

i like to take long breaks.....

and when i have things on my mind...

i come back n blow up!!!!!

 look at me hunties!!!!

i won uno baby!!!

BY MY DAM SELF!!!!

OKKKK!!! NOW ABOUT FRIENDS.....

I DONT HAVE ANY....

O MYABE JUST A FEW....

PEOPLE KNOW ME....

BUT WE JUST COOL....

IM PRETTY SHY AND IM ALWAYS ACTING A FOOL...

I WANNA BE A ACTRESS....

CUZ THAT WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO!!

IM WORRIED

CUZ I DONT WANNA LEAVE BEHIND MY BOO

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I GOTTA DO WHAT I GOTTA DO....

LIFE IS CRAZY NOW.....CUZ IM THINKING CRAZY NOW

I KEEP FEELING LIKE THIS IS WHAT I GOTTA DO

THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE TO DO....

I COULDNT SEE MYSELF DOING NOTHING ELSE!!!

YALL JUST DONT KNO!!! I WANNA BE AN ACTRESS SO BAD ITS LIKE....UGH!!!

I CANT EXPLAIN IT!!....AND I WANNA CHANGE SKOOLS TO BE IN A POWER APAC THEATRE PROGRAM.....AND I BEEN TELLING MY SO CALLED FRIENDS AND THEYLL JUST BE LIKE ITS HARD TO GET IN....DATS WHY I DIDNT MAKE IT...AND TURNING UP THEIR NOSES TRYNA MAKE ME NOT GO...YOU KNO....TRYNA BREAK MY HOPE AND DREAMS.....THATS WHY I FEEL ALONE....LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS OR RELATES....I MEAN....I WANNA DO SOMETHING AND U TRYAN TEAR ME DOWN....UGH!!! IM BY MYSELF FOR REALL!!!

STARRING OUT THE WINDOW THINKING.......

i feel like im a lone....

like i wasnt made to be normal....

u know...the ideal college grad....

haing babies and stuff.....

i wanna be more...

i thirst to be in the center of attention.....

I KNO I HAVENT BEEN TALKIN IN A WHILE....

REALLY???? MORE THAN A WHILE!!!

I JUST TURNED SIXTEEN THURSDAY!!!!

WOW!!! IVE BEEN THINKING OF CHANGING SCHOOLS

BECAUSE I REALIZED WITING ON MY FRIENDS WONT GET ME NOWHERE'S!!!

BUT THATS A DIFFERENT POST!!

BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE ITS TIME FOR ME TO FULFILL MY DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS.....

HMPH!!!!

in my mind

i often feel as though i have no one to talk to....
as though im all alone....
in my own little world....
i go to school everyday....
i dont really feel a sense of bond with anyone....
bond in a intelluctual type level...
alot of the things i think about...
the average teenager would not be thinking about this type of stuff....
i have been told i am why too mature for my age....
but idk....

see my mind often drifts....

i was fb tagged!! TRUE LOVE

If she doesnt call you

[ Its because she is waiting for you to call her ]


When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]


When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]


When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]


When she start's cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]


When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]


When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]


When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]


When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]


When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]


When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]


When she's scared
[ Protect her ]


When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]


When she steal's your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]


When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]


When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]


When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]


When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]


When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]


When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]


When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]


When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]


When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]


When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]


When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]


When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go then kiss her
- When she says she's ok dont believe it talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe"

BLACK NATIONALISM

IM FEELING BLACK NATIONALISM.....

BLACK POWER

FOR THESE REASONS:

THIS SOCIETY WE LIVE IN WAS NOT DESIGNED FOR US

"WE DIDNT LAND ON PLYMOUTH ROCK..IT LANDED ON US" WE WERNT APART OF THE WHOLE CONSTITUTON THING WAS FOR WHITE PEOPLE....WE WERENT SEEN AS PEOPEL BUT AS PROPERTY.....AND THIS PISSES ME OFF....I MEAN JUST BEACUSE WE BELIEVED DIFFERENT THINGS AND SPEAK DIFFERNT LANGUAGES.....DOES THAT MAKE US SAVAGES???.....NON EUROPEANS LIKE ASIANS SPOKE DIFFERENT LANGAUGES AND THEY WERENT THOUGHT AS SAVAGES....IDC WHAT YOU PEOPLE THINK BOUT SOCIETY STILL THINKS WE WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS A WHITE PERSON AND THATS FACT!!

MOST RELIGION IS SOUGHT TO CONTROL YOU AND STILL DOES

THE WHOLE CHURCH THING IS OVERRATED....THE WHITE MAN USED CHRISTIANITY TO JUSTIFY SLAVERY....SEE THEY ERASED OUR HISTORY AND REPLACED IT WITH THIS EUROPEAN ISH!!!.....AND RELIGION WAS A FORM OF DISCIPLINE....

AFRICA IS THE RICHEST CONTINENT.....WHY ARE ITS PEOPLE THE POOREST?

WE ARE AFRICAN....POINT BLANK...WHY HAVE THE BEST SPORTS PLAYERS....MUSIC....CLOTHES.....ECT.....WHY DONT WE REAP THE BENEFIT???? I THINK ITS BOGUS!! AND EVERY OTHER RACE KNOWS WE'RE THE BEST THATS WHY YOU HAVE ALL THESE ASIANS WORKING IN OUR COMMUNITIES.....WE SPEND THE MOST....HOWEVER WE ARE THE LEAST UNITED....IF WE SPEND OUR MONEY IN BLACK OWNED BUSINESS WE COULD PROBABLY REAP SOMEOF THOSE BENEFITS.....EVER THINK OF THAT???

SPECIAL THANKS TO GOOGLE IMAGES!!

YESTERDAY

JUST CHILLING....

IM HAVING A GREAT MORNING.....

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED YESTER DAY.....

WHAT HAPPEND GIRL?????

I WAS ON THE WAY HOME(ON THE SCHOOL BUS)......

AND MY BUS DRIVER ASKED ME "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW YOUR HAIR?"

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I AM SHOWING MY HAIR.......

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN...WEARING IT STRAIGHT?" I ASKED

"YEA..." SHE SAID

"O...WELL THIS IS SHOWING MY HAIR...AND I DONT WANT TO WEAR IT STRAIGHT...."

IT WAS SILENT

I WAS THE LAST ONE TO GET OFF THE BUS.....

LMAO!!!!

DONT LET ANYONE EVER BREAK YOUR SPIRIT....

DO YOU....

IF YOU WANNA BE NATURAL THEN ITS YOUR CHOICE.....

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER....

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

 I LOVE MY HATTERS....WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU??

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO BUT TALK ABOUT ME....

AND THATS OK HONEY.....

I ENJOY BEING ON YOUR MIND.....

SO CONTINUE WITH YOUR DAY TO DAY ACTIVITIES...(TALKING ABOUT ME)

SMOOCHES!!!

RAN UP THE BILL

I GUESS MY MOM AND I WILL NEVER FIND A COMMON GROUND..........

WE DONT ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS.........

BUT WHEN WE DO, THEY ARE CRUCIAL.....

I RAN THE PHONE BILL U.........

TELL ME WHY SHE IS GIVING ME A LECTURE.........

ON HOW SHE'S BROKE.......

AND NOW SHE'S TURINING MY PHONE OFF.........

I SO DESPERATELY NEED A JOB.....

MY MAMA IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF..........

ILL BE SO HAPPY WHEN I GRADUATE!!!!

SOMETIMES I JUST WONDER WHY THINGS LIKE THAT HAPPEN TO ME.....WHEN YOU LOOK ROUND AND YOU DONT SEE OTHER PEOPLE COPING WITH YOUR SAME ISSUES.....

YOU FEEL A BIT LONELY AND IT MAKES YOUR LIFE A LITTLE MORE COLDER AND LONGER.........

BUT YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE GOING THROUGH.....

THATS WHY YOU SHULD BE BLESSED BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE MIGHT BE WORSE OFF THAN YOU ARE........

WENDY WILLIAMS

WENDY WILLIAMS ON BET

UMMM WHY IS SHE ON TV???.....

SOMETIMES I WONER WHY PEOPLE DO THIS TO US....

WHEN SHE FIST STARTED ON TV....I WATCHED A COUPLE EPISODES.....

I DIDNT LIKE IT....SHE LOOKED AND SOUNDED LIKE A HOT MESS!!

SHE'S.....LIKE......OLDx3!!!

MY OLD CHART

40...OLD

50....OLDx2

60.....OLDx3

70......OLDx4

ANT SO ON.....

AND NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN ON TV A LITTLE LONGER.....

WHEN IM BORED.....ITS ACTUALLI APPEALING TO SEE HOW COUNTRY SHE ACTS.....

AND THE HAIR!!!!

HELL NO!!!!

DAT AINT HERS!!!!

FAKE AZZ TYRA.....

HOW DID SHE EVEN GET FAMOUS????

BOY....AM I LATE....

WTF!!! I KNOW IM LATE BUT.....I WAS WATCHING BARRETT TV

AND

SOME GIRL SAID OBAMA IS THE ANTI CHRIST!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7JoQWMILj8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQoV_Ngl-G8

THIS CAME FROM MCCAINS CAMPIGN COMMERCIAL.....

BUT THERE'S A CNN VIDEO ABOUT IT......

UGH....IM FREAKIN PISSED!!!!

ABOUT LATE STUFF :)

THE ONLY REASON WHITE PEOPLE WANTED TO SAY THAT

WAS BECAUSE THEY CANT BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT.....

AND I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY BIRACIAL OR WHATEVER...

HE WENT IN HISTORY FOR BEING THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT....

HE'S BLACK!!!!

UGH....HATERS!!!

!!SOPHMORE STATUZ BOO!!

MY FIRST (ALMOST)MONTH OF SCHOOL!!!!

AS YOU KNO....N IF YOU DONT.....I ATTEND JIM HILL HIGH SCHOOL!!!

AND

WELL I THUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE HARD BEING THE ONLI GIRL AT SCHOOL WITH NATURAL HAIR...LIKE IT WAS LAST YEAR.......

BUT TO MY SURPRISE IT WAS ACTUALLI COOL....I GOT SO MANY COMPLIMENTS AND I IN SPIRED OTHERS TO WEAR THEIR HAIR NATURALLI.....LOLZ TRENDSETTER!!!!

O YEA LOLZ I STARTED THAT AT JIM HILL BOOO!!!!.......

YEPPER....BUT I HAVE JUST BEEN A LONER THIS YEAR

BECAUSE IM TRYNA MAKE ALL A'S

AND I HAVE BEETER THINGS TO DO

THAN HANG WITH PEOPLE THAT I DNT LIKE OR VISE VERSA.....

UGH BUT THATS JUST ME......

I AM NO LONGER IN BAND.....LMAO

IM JUST FOCUSING ON ACADEMICS........

RIGHT!!!!

IMA MESS

I REALLI AM

HELLO KISSES

HEY IM BACK!!!!!!

SCHOOL STARTED AND I GOT BUSY!!!

LOL....NOW IM BORED.....

THESE ARE UPDATS ON HOW I LOOK

AND HOW MY HAIR IS COMING A LONG

I DONT THINK ILL GO BACK TO STRAIGHT HAIR

WELL AT LEAST NOT NOW

AND THIS IS HOW I WORE IT TO SCHOOL I ALSO WORE IT DOWN

MORE PICTURES TO COME AND MORE THINGS TO SAY

(((((MWAH)))))

LOLZ MY SHIRT ON BACKWARDS!!!!! I LOVE MY NEW GLASSES!!!!

.:learning to live:.

im feeling so empty right now.....i just dont know where to start....i hella depressed.....

still having issues with my mama....and im thinking about moving in with my dad......i realli am....my mama never admits when she's wrong and she never gives me my dues.....i mean dam....why does she always think she's right???........she'll take her anger out on me form somthing my siblings did.....its not my fault....and it will be some little comments that are like so inconsiderate........

sometimes i feel like just running away....but where would i go???? how would i go to school?????

ugh and i feel so empty bcause u dont have anyone to talk to serious.....im learning to be alone and depend on me n God for emotional support.....I have to learn to stay on my own too feeet especially to get where im going......i kno these issues will nly bring me blessings and stregnth n the long run............

.:ramblings of a lunatic:.

im so bored ive been on the computer all day....with nothing to say or do.....no one to talk to....(especialy because dalvin and i decided to be friends....be cause we didnt talk as much as w did when we first stared out....) I HATE WHEN YOU GET WITH A NIGGA AND HE GETS COMFORTABLE......IT PISSES ME OFF...IT YOU AINT STILL NBREAKING YO NECK TO KEEP ME DEN Y AM I STILL WIT U???? NIGGA PLEASE......

i met one of my first loves today....his name is BENJAMIN.....i never knew his last name.....blame my bad memory.....but he was cute....he had braids back then......i remember a few of our past times....BUT HE DOESNT....see i moved alot when i was little and i never really got get and keep relationships......or friends.....simply because of my stepdad...and the strange mind control he had over my moms......(DATS A NOTHER STORY).... and know im in the present....not being able to find the mr right....or the best childhood friend....when i think about it....im so different.....SO AHEAD OF MY TIME.......

see i dont have realli anyone i feel like pouring my whole life out to...but people i dont know.....LOL.....how strange....i guess its because the reader of a blog wont judge.....or will they....idc....it wouldnt matter because i dont know them.....ive never ever been able to cope with the single life.....i love the idea of being with some one who understands me and love me for who i am exactly and not who i will never be.......MAYBE THATS MY PROBLEM.......

I WANA BE FAMOUS.....but idnt really care for acting and i dont like singing in public....ugh.....why cant i be famous for being famou like paris hilton.....i dont wana sex tape....because im an angel...LOL.....i just want to be the talk of the town......BUT HOW WOULD I DO THAT????? well i started a blog in the hopes that i would become famous.....but its taking too long....and i can be impatient......but i always try to do better.....im not an expert in any field...other than my life.....and all kids my age want to hear about is drama....and stuff.....also im not the best writer....but i speak my mind.....m not rich...but im dayum sho not po!!!!

HELP.....ive decided to go natural......and people at skool are hatin on me.....o what should i do????UGH......im still coping with that.......

.:twitter:.

twitter is like the new craze!!! follow me at http://www.twitter.com/iLilian i have like 44 folowers and their white....not to be racist but on earth am i going to say to them when all they do is talk about boring ish????? someon help me

.:Updates&Self Growth:.

hey im so happi that i have lik 77 page views and 11 followers.....i value you guys alot even though i dont blog all the time or everyday....its just that i dont always have thngs to say.....:)

and if you have anything to say about my project im doing for IBMYP thats called hbcus vs pwi you can comment...i think i have that feature activated but ill check and see.....because i love feedback and comments.....and i dont realli check my emaials like i should so forgive me....i know i dont always spell things correctly are talk like i have sense but when i type i type what is exactly on my mind for bear with me......

tomorow i plan on going to geyserfalls with my family and hopefulli i might take pictures so you can see......im going to try to jump on the picture bandwagon.....lolz....i like pictures but i dont think its absolutely important....however it is appealing to the eye for followers.....

also i have went back to my curly phase....i have learned how to style and cope with my naturally curly hair....and i love it so yu can see the pictures above and just kno that i look HAWT!!!! yep yep HAWT!!!! so i will be staying curly and fyi my hair is natural and has been since i was like 10 or so.........GET AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

.: mama drama:.

im not white but...ugh!!!!!!!! my mama gon make me go off the deep end.....i swear...see i had 3 dollas and i wanted to go to the hair store and get me some gel for my natural curls cuz the gel at the house is flaky and it have alcohol in it....it also leaves little whit balls in my hair and makes my curls look like garbage.....so i wanted to go try some otha stuff and i kno i cant buy alot with three dollas

BUT

when we got there i saw some gel that i wanted to used and it was 1.98 and i was like im ready....my mama gone pick up somthing that looked like a 2 oz tub talking about this dont have alcohol and im like o ok dats cool.....and she got upset talking about that this just like the stuff at the house and i told her why i cant used that stuff in my hair........

THEN

she picked up something else saying that it dont have alcohol.....but i read it and it said for the RELAXED LOOK....and im thinkin well first of all i dont have a dam relaxer so why would you even pick that small bottle up???? i know why.....cuz u think you know everything and you always tryning to controll me.....first of all thats my 3 dollars and i dont care if it is just 3 dollars its my 3 dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!.......and so i handed it back to her and pointed out that it was for the RELAXED LOOK.....and she just snapped talking about I KNOW WHAT IT SAYS I CAN READ!!!! GONE GET WHAT YOU WANT BUT U DIDNT HAVE BUT 3 DOLLARS SO I KNOW YOU CANT AFFORD IT.......see thats how i kno she tink she know everything cuz the 32 oz i was holdn was 1.98+plus tax which turned out to be 2.12.....man she better stop bullishin!!!!!!!!!!

.:checking back in:.

my apologies!! my brother hogs the computer....but i got my laptop back from the shop so im good!!!!!!! man i broke my nail yesterday.....flushing the toilet after i was cleaning the bathroom!! now i have to fix it......acrylics.........UGH!!!